Tilted House


Oldest, 10.  Youngest two, 7.

Our house is tilted. 

You won’t notice anything by looking at it from the street, but it suffers from a severe lean.  To see what I mean you would have to be inside.  Actually, the effects of our tilted house are best witnessed at our dinner table.  The house is so out of whack that my son is physically incapable of staying seated.

When we sit down for a meal, before you can say sit in your seat, my son is standing; right next to his chair, eating his dinner.

I say, “Sit in your seat and eat your dinner, please.”

He sits – and then he’s back up.

My wife will say, “Sit in your seat to eat.”

He does – and then he’s back up.

I say, “Sit in your seat.”

Sometimes his sisters even try, “Sit down!”

He does – and then he’s back up.

We’ve tried having him sit at different places around the table, to counter-balance the tilt.  It’s always the same; he’s back up, standing next to his chair.

I was considering having a contractor customize our chairs with seat belts.  His older sister suggested bungee cords.

But, here’s the odd part.

I went to his elementary school to visit him for lunch one day.   An amazing thing happened in the cafeteria: he spent the entire meal in-his-seat!  Afterwards, I called my wife and told her.  She was stunned.  We discussed putting the doctor on stand-by in case his body would have trouble digesting food in this contorted, new position.

That night at the dinner table – after his mom reminded him get back in his seat – I said, “Why do you stay in your seat at school?”

Kids who don’t go to the principal,” he told me.

So, to my son’s principal – wherever you are – what are you doing for dinner tonight?

***

“Hey, dad?”

Sorry – got to go.  More later.

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About murphyjoel

Husband, father, writer, over-sized kid. View all posts by murphyjoel

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