4 Things That Can’t Be Taught


The word "sand" written in sand

 I’d like to take a brief time-out to review several things that you just can’t teach with words.  Oh, you can try.  But it won’t do any good.  Kids insist on the full experience.

 1.      Don’t eat sand 

Within ten minutes of putting a small child on the beach, they will be wearing sand lipstick. 

 You can pick them up and clean them off.  You can make an icky face and shake your head NO.  You can even say something parent-like: “We don’t eat sand.  Yucky yucky.” 

 It doesn’t matter what you do, though.  Not long after plopping them back on the beach towel, you will be cleaning off a sand-coated tongue.  Keep in mind that this isn’t harmful.  A mouth full of sand just causes them to go into slow motion-mode; opening and closing their mouth repeatedly, and slowly moving their head from side to side like a confused turtle. 

2.      Don’t grab the cat’s tail

No verbal warning can thwart the overpowering desire to yank that thing.  On the up-side; there’s no better way to figure out that the other end of kitty really means business.  I thought our cat had a broken tail until I realized that she was keeping it tucked down and swooshing from side to side in order to make the target more difficult to locate.  A challenge kids find irresistible.

3.      Step away from the kitchen counter before you sneeze

When you are as tall as a countertop, this is important information.  I’ve come to the rescue many times, snatching our kids back from the counter as they inhale deeply with the here-it-comes-ugly-sneeze-face.   Despite the narrow escapes, however, using words to explain why sneezing next to the kitchen counter can be dangerous isn’t as effective as actually experiencing the all-out tomahawk chop, head-butt into the counter top.  (Don’t worry; the eyes eventually un-cross.)

 4.      Don’t roll your eyes and make a face when your mother tells you something

I don’t think I can really elaborate on this.  Although, if you’d like to make things worse just make a face and toss your head back and forth while you silently mouth the words of whatever she just told you.  (Results may vary.  I can’t be held responsible.)

 Anybody know of any other things that just can’t be taught?

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About murphyjoel

Husband, father, writer, over-sized kid. View all posts by murphyjoel

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